Sunday is family day for many Americans. Not their actual family—the one that exists to escape from those people. We’re talking about the family that comprises a fantasy league. However, it’s not a true family day if all of your interactions are electronic. While it may be fun to taunt them online or through a series of ingeniously worded texts when their aging quarterback opens the season by going six for twenty with four interceptions and no touchdowns, ripping on them in person is far more satisfying. Furthermore, you can get everyone else in on, too. This will make the experience of humiliation both complete and more family-like. After all, schadenfreude isn’t just a fancy word for being a dick—it’s the point of playing fantasy football.
True, it can be difficult to watch every game with your league. Social obligations are one deterrent. Not wanting to be hungover at work on a Monday is another. Both are out of the question when it’s football season. Granted, not every morning after a game can be spent scrubbing the stench of wings and Schlitz off your skin, but doing so on a Monday is an accepted norm in American society (missing source). Consequently, Sunday should be the day that everyone gets together, sits down, drinks some beer and watches every perfectly devised strategy crumble under the weight of fate, chance, luck or whatever you want to call the force that either propels Brady down the field with two minutes on the clock or causes every receiver for the Lions (except Megatron) to drop every ball that hits them on the hands.
The question, of course, is where do you go? You can go to the bar, but the drinks are going to be expensive, it’s loud and, unless you get there an hour before kickoff, you’re not going to be able to see most of the TVs. What’s more, if you come in with a big party, you’ll probably get stuck in front of the Jaguars game. It’s best to do this at someone’s home.
Deciding on a Host
The most important element in this equation is space. Do you live in a Manhattan studio apartment with a futon, no bed and a toilet next to the refrigerator? That’s unfortunate. Besides, it’s just not going to be able to accommodate enough people. It can barely accommodate you.
What you’re going to need is a serious living room, a den or even a man cave—the latter being an expression that can only be used in earnest if one has never heard of the term “double-entendre”. You’re going to need more than one couch. Whoever can supply features such as these will be given the honor of hosting everyone in the league. The remaining members will be required to bring beer and food, preferably the fried, spicy or cheese-laden variety.
Watching the Games
You’re also going to need to actually be able to watch all of the games that you would see at the bar. The easiest way to do this is to visit getdirecttv.org, which will spell out exactly why you need the NFL Sunday Ticket: you can watch every game, watch multiple games at once and even track players. If you upgrade to NFL Sunday Ticket Max, you’ll even be able to watch these games online. This means that you can take in the action on your tablet or laptop while you’re grilling, tapping a new keg or sitting on the john. It may seem a little pricey at first, but if everyone pitches in, it will be less than going to the bar every Sunday. Furthermore, you can make a rule that the winner this year doesn’t have to chip in for the package next year (on top of any other laurels they receive for dominating the league).